Singleness

Man isn’t it super fun to talk about being single. I think it is super easy to confuse singleness with being alone. If you are single you are not alone. You can not be in a relationship and not feel alone. On the flip side, it is super easy to be in a relationship and feel alone. I am single and I have so many amazing people in my life who pour into my and surround me with such love that I never feel alone. I have friends of mine who are in relationships and those relationships are anchored in God and they don’t feel pursued and they feel very alone in their relationships. It is a really scary place to be especially if you love the person you are in a relationship with because you don’t want to hurt them but at the same time you need to feel pursued and loved in that relationship. But honestly being single is hard sometimes. I’m not going to lie there are times when I wish more than anything that I was in a relationship. The times when I feel sad and just want comfort from someone who knows me inside and out, someone who loves me an indescribable amount, and someone who I can totally be myself with. When I fee like I don’t have that, those are the times when I wish most that I am in a relationship. It still shocks me sometimes that I am in a relationship like that and I have that relationship. It is easy to not realize just how loved I am and how understood I am in that relationship because there isn’t necessarily that constant affirmation that you get from being in a romantic relationship. The relationship I am talking about is my relationship with God. Man, he loves me more than I deserve, he sees me for who I am and all the mistakes that I have made and he still loves me. He knows my heart, my desires and what I need. But most importantly he is always there for me and that is the part of my relationship with him that I love the most. No matter how big or small the issue is He is always here with me and wants to know what is going on and He wants to hear from me. My relationship with God is one where I am constantly pursued, I am loved beyond belief and He never leaves my side even if I don’t feel him there all the time. Onto the real fun stuff talking about being in a relationship with a boy. Sometimes it is smooth sailing and other times it feels like there is a game being played but you don’t know the rules. Honestly, it sucks having no control and not really understanding or know what is happening or what the other person is feeling is so confusing! Especially if you are far away from each other. There are definitely some times when I want to just yell “I am a joy and it is a privilege and a pleasure to know me!”. There was this guy and we were talking for like 4 or 5 months and the more we talked the more I opened up to him and wanted more. I wanted to know more about him and spend more time with him and just talk about everything with him. But as time went on I began to realize that whether it was a friendship or not I was trying so hard and I felt like I was putting in all this time and effort and not getting much in return. Every time I was like that’s it I’m done, I am clearly not a priority to him he would reply with this perfect text that explained why he hadn’t responded or this cute/sweet message that made my laugh and smile. But when you feel like you are giving more in a relationship than you are getting out it is really hard. It was hard to let go of that relationship and realize hey maybe we aren’t even meant to stay friends, maybe he is just someone who I am close to and rely on for one season of my life. When you want that relationship so much you start giving them pieces of your heart and tearing your own walls, even if they don’t deserve it just because you want that person in your life. This is definitely a hard lesson that I’ve had to learn, oh and make no mistake I’m sure I’ll make this exact same mistake many more time. I have nothing about relationships figured out yet. As an example the last relationship of note that I was in was in eighth grade, we dated for like five or six months and never went out on a date. It was more like we were friends but I had a weird person who would text me too often (I mean like I left my phone for an hour and had forty missed texts from him) and told me he loved me like three seconds into the relationships. As you may have guessed it was a hard break up, for him not me I broke up with him on a school trip in front of everyone. Not my proudest moment but it happened. Back to singleness, just know God has your back and He has someone for you who will pursue you and love you more than you thought possible. Those like weird quirky habits you have those will be the reason that they fall in love with you and make you perfect in their eyes. But the best part about being single is that you get to grow in your relationship with God and not be distracted. You get to run towards God full speed and watch him pursue you with equal or greater fervor and then before you know it you’ll have another person running beside you. Begin single is such a short part of your life enjoy it while you have it and don’t waste it trying to look for your next relationship. To end on one of my favorite lyrics, “the more boys I meet the more I love my dogs.”

XO

A Regular Girl

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